Wilson's Wildlife Solutions Hub

Welcome to Wilson's Wildlife Solutions!
Boring Agreement Prelude

"In this world, normalcy is difficult to maintain. The regulation of the anomalous is a strain on all those involved, in all ways involved. Funds, personnel, our very humanity is taxed. However, it is of utmost importance that normalcy is maintained, as that has been, and continues to be, part of The Foundation's prime directive.

Due to the importance of normalcy, containment of anomalies is generally undertaken by The Foundation, with little exception that is within our control. However, due to rising anomalous activity, we have been forced to examine our own resources, and while they are plentiful, they are not infinite. It is because of this inherent, undeniable limit to our influence, that we make this proposition.

The Boring Agreement is not just an outline of steps and regulations, or contractual legalization that allows Wilson Wildlife Solutions to interact with anomalies. It is a pact. A pact that must be upheld, no matter the costs. The Boring Agreement is Wilson Wildlife Solution's pledge to maintain normalcy, and to bear all burdens that the duty entails.

Secure. Contain. Protect."

Introduction

Hello, pardner! It looks like you fine fellow have found yourself in Clackamas County and the town of Boring, Oregon, that can claim to have the least fitting name in all of the United States — except maybe Hell over in Michigan. For those of us who grew up here, it sure may as well be boring as all boring can get, but we've recently run into some people who we affectionately refer to as the Supervisors, and through some conversations here and small talk there we know that we  apparently  live in what some call a "nexus". A nexus that gives us some weird animals 'round these parts.

I, myself, am Tim Wilson, the founder of this wonderful community funded organization that goes by the name Wilson's Wildlife Solutions! You have wildlife problems, and we solve them. Recently we've gotten some new sources of cash, so we're spreading our horizons all across Oregon, which is known (but not by most) as the world's greatest source of exotic fauna. The amazon may have its parakeets and tigers or whatever lives down there, but up here we got big supposedly extinct birds, cleverly calming turtles, money driven crows, time hopping coyotes, and the like.

We've been operational since 1997, when I was but a wee lad of 42 years, and we have been under  official  supervision since 2008 upon the signing of the legendary Boring Agreement (which came about after the infamous Ursus Maritimus Incident). Since then it has been cake eating and smooth sailing! Well, as of the time of writing. The world is a crazy place, and it's honestly a bit surprising just how well we have all been handling it. Let's hope that we stay that way.

What We're All About

Our organizational structure is flimsy at best, but it works. I, Tim Wilson, am the founder, and some people are second in command, and some people are below them, and everyone does what they are best at and what they want to do. Officially, we can be called by anyone in Clackamas County to handle, say, a group of deer that consistently block the road or raccoons that keep getting into the trash. Unofficially, we can be called by anyone in Oregon and be expected to respond, for reasons much more esoteric than our website lists (we have a website, by the way). We're also officially a wildlife rehabilitation center. Get us some animals with broken legs or birds with clipped wings and we will get them back on their feet, guaranteed. It's what we do.

As a team, we're ecologists, zoologists, veterinarians, animal control specialists, environmentalists, passionate individuals, friends, and family. We're capable, we're innovative, and we're really, really nice most of the time. Come say hi!